Day 3 (journaling prompt challenge)

Day 3

What you focus on grows.  Stop managing your time.  Start managing your focus.  99% of what stressed you out recently won’t even matter a month from now.  Shake off the nonsense, bring your attention back to what’s important, and move forward with your life.

What is truly worth focusing on today?  What is NOT?

What is worth focusing on today is myself. I should be focusing on myself every day. I often put people before me, and I've learned more than ever recently, how that is no way to live. I can't go through life taking care of other people without taking care of myself.

Recently I was very frustrated with a work situation in which I felt very under valued compared to someone who worked less hours, worked less projects, who always took short cuts, and generally cared less.

It was one of those situations where you put in SO much time and energy and effort into something, but then suddenly felt like it was all for nothing because no one cared and someone else got credit for a smaller project for reasons beyond your understanding. It felt like you were someone a company could milk for whatever work they could get out of you. It was sudden, it was shocking, and it was hurtful.

I took a day to let out my emotions, cried to let out the frustration and let myself get it out. I had too, I just couldn't hold it in. It's not good to hold it in, so I texted my friends how much I needed the extra support. I am so grateful for these people in my life.

Then I went back to remind myself of how many extra hours I work, how much extra time I spend on additional projects, how many initiatives I volunteer for, and how it wasn't all for nothing. I learned. A LOT. And I'm very proud of my work ethic, how strong my reputation as a resourceful hard working colleague is, and in the end I don't regret a thing. I may not be fully recognized for it, but I also can't rely on the validation of other people recognizing me to make me happy. Because it won't. I have to make myself happy.

Perhaps this situation was a blessing in disguise - as I learned the hard way that hard work isn't always rewarded, but it isn't your fault. It's something you need to live with and sometimes fight for (after choosing my battles wisely). And it's also a wake up call to me to put myself before my work. I take a lot of pride in my work and never leave a project unfinished unless the project itself was officially regarded as worthless and scrapped. That doesn't mean my company will reward me for it, and it doesn't mean that they'll care either. If I don't do the work, someone else will. Even if they don't do it as quickly, or as precisely, someone will do it well enough.

The big picture is, I still have to move on with my life. I've gained a lot of knowledge, skill, and experience from the work I've done and I can only learned more - for myself. Not for my current employer, not my future employer, but for myself to grow both professionally and personally. And there's so much I can do with that experience.

I may have a manager to report to, but in the end I work for myself. I build myself up, my resume, my skills, my reputation, and I have a lot to look forward to. These frustrations (no matter how justified) are, in the end, distractions from my goals. They may have a lesson here and there attached to them, are still distractions none the less. 

I work for me before I work for anyone else.

With this refreshed new mind set, I look forward to tomorrow. New day, new opportunity.

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31 Day jounraling prompt challenge, inspired by Jeremy Anderberg (https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/jumpstart-your-journaling-a-31-day-challenge/)

Day 2 (journaling prompt challenge)

Day 2

The mind is your battleground.  It’s the place where the fiercest conflict resides.  It’s where half the things you feared would happen, never actually happened.  It’s where your expectations get the best of you, and you fall victim to your own train of thought time and time again.

What’s one thought that has been getting the best of you lately?  How has it been influencing your behavior?

It comes in doses and waves, but something that often bothers me, even itches at me, is the thought of not being good enough. We all get in that stage every so often, when the self-doubt monster creeps into ours minds; and the fear of being left behind. And not only in a physical sense, of seeing people leave, or not having people around who value us, but the big bogey monster of feeling inadequate in life.

More often than not find myself comparing myself to other people. It's a human thing to do and most of the time I ground myself and cut the crap of holding myself to other people's standards. But there are other times, when, you know, you  just can't help it. 

"I'm not as smart..."

"I'm not as pretty..."

"I'm not as kind..."

"...not as good..."

"...not as..."

That little sub phrase: not as

It's the source of a lot of self doubt. It weighs me down more often than I would like to admit. It's the backbone of every reason I've ever had to not believe in myself, or to try, or to "not bother". It's the reason I've held myself back more than anyone else.

Whenever that phrase leaves my lips, or enters my mind, those two words, not as, I instantly have the thought of "why should I try if I can't reach that level".

Two things wrong with that already: 1.) thinking I can't, and 2.) thinking I need to reach that level, whatever that level may be.

We all want security in who we are, we all want confidence, and to feel good about ourselves. We don't need to be "better" than someone else in order to achieve those feelings of security, confidence, wholeness.

I could think "if I was better than so-and-so, that means I'm one of the best at X". I could think "if I lost the weight, I could be pretty and get attention like so-and-so". I could think any variation of that, but it would only bring me down. I am certainly not saying to not have goals and aspirations. I'm talking about counting myself out before I even start or thinking I need to reach someone else's expectations or standards in order to feel good or secure in who I am.

I try to live by the saying "I only compete with myself." The only person I want to be better than is the person I was yesterday. With that I always remind myself to cheer for myself, too. And not just remind myself when I don't meet certain expectations.

With that, happy Thursday everyone, and I hope you cheer for yourself today and believe you can do what you set out to do.

-Chelle
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31 Day jounraling prompt challenge, inspired by Jeremy Anderberg (https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/jumpstart-your-journaling-a-31-day-challenge/)

Day 1 (journaling prompt challenge)

Day 1

Forgive yourself for the bad decisions you made, for the times you lacked understanding, for the choices that hurt others and yourself.  Forgive yourself, for being young and reckless.  These are all vital lessons.  And what matters most right now is your willingness to grow from them.

What specifically do you need to forgive yourself for?  What have your error(s) in judgment taught you?

First and foremost, I want to forgive myself for the damage I might caused unknowingly. For the times I was not patient and understanding or lacked compassion. For the times I was selfish and the times I did not follow through. Though I was not aware at the time, and that it was not my intention, that does not change the fact that I had caused pain, whether to someone else or to myself.

And I forgive myself. I now relish the difficult journey and embrace that I am human and that I make mistakes. I forgive others for their mistakes, I'll forgive myself. I forgive myself for the times that I did not put myself first when I should have. For not focusing on my own goals and aspirations instead of always looking to help others. Though my intentions were well, it doesn't change the fact that I didn't value enough myself and my own needs. I forgive myself, because I deserve growth and so that I can move on with myself.

Tomorrow is a new day. Now a new opportunity. I am always going to be worth trying over and over for again.

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31 Day jounraling prompt challenge, inspired by Jeremy Anderberg (https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/jumpstart-your-journaling-a-31-day-challenge/)