What I hope for in 2019

A girl could use some actual eyelashes and maybe an ombre. Of course another hand bag couldn't hurt either, or a new lipstick.



But in all seriousness, ya girl needs to get herself together.

The overarching theme I've noticed in a lot of my self-reflection in 2018, is that there is outstanding lack of self-care in my life. I'm always putting myself second. Whether it's work, friends, family, sometimes even myself and my lack of organized planning, I have a tendency to always go the extra mile, or pressure myself into doing more. Go out more, go big or go home on this trip, spend more time working on this project, make sure this event is fully planned out, help this person finish this task, the list goes on.

So in 2019, I want to commit to focusing on myself. I want to learn how to better care for myself. Sure I take baths and have random spa evenings, and sprinkle "me-time" days into my schedule, but that's not always enough or effective. Mind, Heart, Body, Soul, they all have their separate maintenances and all require different self-care habits.

1. Mind
I have a tendency to fall into rabbit holes online and I can scroll on Instagram liking posts for hours on end. Sure 10 min here or 20 min there isn't a big deal, but adding up the amount of time I spend on my phone is not only unhealthy - it's a little terrifying.

So in 2019, I will set aside time regularly to detach from online and my phone and just cleanse my mind. Whether it be once a week or once a month, I'll work on a schedule that will work for me. My mind is a curious space that often gets cluttered from too many thoughts. The less useless space I introduce to it, the better. A digital detox can only help me clear my mind.

2. Heart
I often do not express myself to the best of my ability. I often hold back. I've gotten better with it over the years, but I really want to embrace the concept of keeping an open heart. I'm very selective of who I am close to - from years of not knowing how to draw boundaries and letting certain people take advantage of me - and since then, I have grown closed off. I have a high wall. This wall is too high for too long and though I have zero regrets only having a small handful of close friends, having a closed off heart also hinders me from living fully. 

Whether it's having an open conversation with a like-minded stranger while traveling, or giving a shot to this guy who asked me out on this new fangled dating app, or giving someone the benefit of the doubt whether they seem to deserve it or not - I limit myself. It cannot happen overnight and it will be a balancing act, but I am certain it will be worth the while.

3. Body
I am not a healthy person. I will be the first to admit and I should be the first to do something about it. Though I'm not dying of any particular health impairment (thank the heavens), we are all dying in the end. In order to live my best life, I want to live better for myself.

I'm the worst offender at not drinking enough water, I don't sleep enough, I don't have the discipline for a work out routine, and I have the diet consisting of mostly red meat and carbs. These habits need to break and I need to establish new ones. I'll start slow (to be realistic) but will need to invest more time and energy into taking care of myself physically.

4. Soul
When I think back, I remember the times when I was younger and I used to draw and color, and craft for hours, play pokemon, and read fantasy novels for fun. I barely do any of that any more. I can't say they don't bring me joy anymore because I wouldn't know - I don't make time for it anymore. Of course I do other things that fulfill my soul like spending time with friends, trying new things, exploring different places, and those type of more "grown-up" things.

In 2019, I want to commit time to bringing back the crafty side of me, the side that enjoyed art for the hell of it and purely for the joy of creating for no reason but for the enjoyment of it. It was so good for my young soul and I want to nourish my soul like that again.

-Chelle

Day 4 (journaling prompt challenge): 2018, thank you

Day 4

Happiness is letting go of what you assume your life is supposed to be like right now, and sincerely appreciating it for everything that it is.  So, RELAX.  You are enough.  You have enough.  You do enough.  Breathe deep… let go, and just live right now in the moment.

What do you appreciate most about your life right now?  Why?

With 2018 ending, this is a rather appropriate prompt. I want to reflect on all that has happened and all that has changed for this 365-day cycle. There's been a lot. I appreciate the most the people in my life. My loving and supportive friends, my saint-like parents for all that they are and all that they do, my crazy and dramatic family, the good hearted people I work with that make me laugh every day.

There's been a lot of changes and lessons I've learned along the way. How to not take life so seriously. How to just sit back and let people surprise you. I have this habit of being stubbornly independent to a fault, but I'm grateful this year how to trust others to follow through. To understand how to hold your expectations and know that you're not alone.

I've learned how to trust the process. How making mistakes is pivotal in your ability to learn and how pain is imperative to your growth. How life isn't fair when unfortunate circumstances occur, but how we move from it makes us stronger and closer to the ones who are there to support us through it. How there's more to a fulfilling career than just work, how travel has only brought me closer to home, and how beautiful the world can be amidst the ugly.

As I sit in my friend's cabana in Valdivia, Chile, I am scrolling through the pictures on my phone and the memories in my mind and feel cathartic and grateful for this year. I may not have achieved every goal on my list, but I have gained more than I have imagined.

Here are some of my favorite memories from 2018:

 

 Besides partaking in a lot of food (especially hot pot and McDonald's) and gaining frequent flyer miles, 2018 has been filled with quality time with quality people. I don't believe in the singularity of a single soul, and I'm grateful to have people in my life who inspire creativity, free spirited energy, a love of life, compassion, forgiveness, hard work, humor, kindness, and some savagery that's hard to beat. The ones who keep me grounded, as well as the people who push me out of the comfort zone. The ones where we can discuss where our careers will go as well as whether or not Cardi B should take Offset back. The ones who can go for a wild night out and those who can appreciate napping 19 hours of the day. The ones who worry for me while hiking in high altitude and the ones who trust my instincts and value my input. The ones who can appreciate a blinding highlight and a bargain hunt. 

Ya'll are the real MVPs.

If there's anything I've learned about life, it's that as you grow, you either grow with people, or you grow apart. So for all of you who have stayed with me through 2018, I want to thank you. Among the things I appreciate the most in my life, I love the people in my life the most.

So thank you, again. Let's continue to make more memories together :)

I'm ready to embrace 2019 with open arms.

Happy New Year everyone!

thank you, next

-Chelle